“Once upon a time there was a Mummy and Daddy who already had a little girl who they loved very much but what they really wanted to have another baby as well.
They tried and tried to have another baby but things kept going wrong and the doctors told the Mummy that she couldn’t have a baby and she was sad. But then one day she felt poorly and went to the hospital and they scanned her tummy and do you know what? There was a little baby growing inside her!
So the Mummy and Daddy were so pleased and excited and they waited lots of months for the baby to be ready to come out. They kept on trying to guess what the baby would look like. Would it have blonde hair or would it have brown hair? Would it have curly hair or straight hair? Who would it look like?
But when that baby was born it was a little boy and he came out with his bright blue eyes wide open looking all around him (he was very interested to see the world for the first time) do you know what? He didn’t have blonde hair, he didn’t have brown hair, he didn’t even have red hair………………………he was a bald as an egg!
Do you know who that little baby was? IT WAS YOU!!! And we all loved you straight away and were SO happy that you were our little boy!”
No matter how many times we told Nico that story he never grew tired of it. He always smiled and laughed in the same places and as he got older I was sometimes puzzled by how happy and reassuring he found the story.
I’ve thought of it many times since and now I realise that we all need a family narrative like this; a story of how and why we came to be, the equivalent of “where did I come from Mummy?” and the telling and retelling of the story – always using the same words and phrases, becomes part of the story itself.
When you find yourself in a situation like ours it’s all too easy to become just “the family of the boy who died”.
It’s sad, but all too easy to do the equivalent of turning the page to the next story. But I don’t want you to turn the page just yet – I want to help you to get to know Nico. I’m going to use this blog not just to tell you about our struggle for justice, but also to help you to get to know one of the most wonderful young men I ever had the privilege to know. My son Nico.